Importance of "saying no"
Saying no to things and people that don’t serve your purpose is a very important self-love practice we need to anchor in life. To bring ourselves back to our authenticity, to truly be honest to live what we desire without a need pleasing anybody or sacrificing in any situations. Saying no is a full understanding on who we are and a true respect to who we want to be.
Why is it so hard to say no?
“I just can’t say no she’s my mom”, “it’s hard to me to do it I don’t want hurt anybody’s feelings”... Yes we all have compassion inside us, but we need healthy boundaries on this compassion.
Most of the time we dive in so quick to taking care of someone else feeling without noticing how we feel. At certain level in our subconsciousness, maybe it’s also a trick from our ego persuading us to continue run away from the hidden emotions that we don’t want to face.
The situation is like we force others to have the tasteless coffee before it’s readily brewed, people would never enjoy it and we also got pissed off. This kind of push and pull relationship are truly toxic. When we're suffering from them, we're slowly poisoning ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally.
3 steps to free yourself and others in toxic relationships:
I talked about the power of cutting off toxic relationships before, today we dive into the root cause on how to truly deal with it.
1/ Say no to your ego
To learn how to successfully saying no to others and cut off all the toxic relationships. We need to learn how to say no to our ego first.
As I mentioned above, our ego awaits find ways to create the same illusion that “we need to be protected by our mind”, our ego constantly wants us to say yes to whatever trick it’s creating to bring us back to fear base illusion.
Start from now, the first and most important one you need to say no is your ego. Gain the awareness by consciously breathe into how you feel in every situation. Simply pause and not react to your mind, be a great observer, allow your breath to be the loudest voice to answer your mind without doing anything.
2/ Give yourself all the love you need
Instead of carrying all the burden from someone else, instead of figuring out learning how to say no to others, focus always back to yourself by this amazing mantra:
“I’m love and love only starts within me.”
All relationships in life we feel frustrated is a great gift telling us what’s happening inside our heart. We are simply attracting what we don’t want by not giving ourselves what we truly need, which is pure love. Only if we focus back to give the love we deserve to ourselves, what we attract in life would change. We create what we see. Self-love is never easy to mostly all of us, be gentle to yourself, take baby step everyday to give yourself more and more.
How about simply write down 10 reasons why you can love yourself even more now?
3/ Sacred pause
Have the courage to make 1 and 2 as your daily practice, always come back to them in whatever toxic relationship you’re in. Can be with food, people close or not close with you, or whatever situations make you feel suffering.
Always back to saying no to your mind, and giving more love to yourself. Feel the harmony within you, enjoy the space in the moment, which I call it sacred pause.
Sacred pause is a space we are creating infinite possibilities.
Have you ever realise the beauty of a Chinese painting is always came with how much and how beautiful it’s playing with the white space in the painting? We all need this white space in life, by simply make a pause.
When we allow this pause happen, we back to the harmony and peace within. We start generating a vibrations to start creating what we desire even we don’t need to do anything yet.
Feel into this pause, initiate and follow your intuition. It’s going to tell you when to take action again. It might be an act you need to say no to others, or it might be something else removes you fast from the toxic relationship and create another great one filled with love.
This intuition is more than knowledge but wisdom, it comes only from our heart but not the mind. When you’re in it, everything in life just flow and you’d only act on what is only right and you just know it.
Try it and let me know how it goes. I wish all of us be free from suffering and back to pure love that we all deserve.